Dating in 2017

From a female 23 year old’s perspective.

Let me start by saying 23 is an awkward dating age for the very simple reason that you’re too young to be looking for something ultra serious but a bit too old and tired of fooling around for prolonged periods of time. Bit too free but at the same time bit too busy on trying to put your life together, thus, not always having the time to devote to a prospective partner.

On top of the personal reasons of why you yourself are confused in regards to what you’re looking for in a man/woman, it’s also super blurry as to what to expect from others and how to distinguish what the fuck it is that they want.

I personally came out of a two-year relationship around March so I’ve been exploring the “field” ever since and I’ve come to receive a general feeling of detachment and distrust which leads into uncertainty and sometimes distress when it comes to meeting someone new.

Step 1: The meeting method

Let me go ahead and  dare to give an estimate that 2/3 of your potential dates are going to come out of the web; specifically, let’s say tinder-bumble and such or Instagram. The old fashioned “met at the bar” has almost ceased to exist. That by itself means that the element of surprise is absent; sure, you might go to a bar with the sole purpose of meeting someone to bang or potentially date, but there are so many other factors in that scenario to be taken into consideration; in a bar you can’t just assume that everyone around you is looking for something. When you decide to go on tinder it almost always means that everyone you’re matching with IS looking for something, and it’s almost always sex, which is normal, everyone wants sex, but it’s sometimes overwhelming playing the guessing game of “could he/she be interested in something beyond that”?

Again, 2/3 of the online dating world are just looking for sex, so when you go like “oh I actually don’t wanna come over to your house for wine because I don’t know you” or “I do not wanna smash on the first date” you receive an aura of disappointment and you feel like you’ve wasted valuable time. I don’t know what it is but I feel like the circumstances of the era are pushing us towards shallowness and unwillingness to be open to anything that might lead to future complications and bonds.

Step 2: It was going well, you smashed, now what?

Oh well! The first, or first few dates were super enjoyable, the conversation was flowing, the topics were on another level, the atmosphere was sparkly, all of which led you to yours or his/her house where you had some extra drinks and you ended up doing the dead. Now you’re just waiting to observe the after-sex atmosphere because we all know it gives away everything about the other persons’ intentions.

In my experience so far, it varies from him getting dressed and being exhaustively silent, which translates to “I’d like you to go”, to getting some awkward food, which is followed by some awkward conversation. When you go home it could go two ways; he’ll either call  you after a few days to go on another date, or you’ll never hear from him again.

Step 3: He calls again.

SO you got that phone call or text? Congratulations, you’re probably about to get into 2017 dating. It starts by having a couple more of successful dates which always leads to sex and after a week you’ll start wondering where is this going. That’s when you’re gonna have the lovely DTR (define the relationship) talk. He/she is going to say that they’re very busy at that particular point in their life and they’re not looking for something serious but they like you and they enjoy spending time and having sex with you.

“Let’s be friends and just try to have fun”!

So this is the time for you to decide if you’re in the same phase. If you’re not walk away NOW and try your chances with someone else.

Step 4: You agree to “just friends”.

Yayy! You possibly just added in your life something that eventually might become inconvenient and messy. The thing is he/she said they aren’t ready for a relationship but when you spend time with a person attachment comes naturally; FACTS. As you go through more and more dates it’s gonna be fun and that person is going to start expecting and asking for you to do stuff together that are inappropriate in terms of a friendship and would be characterised as “couply”. Like getting food together all the time, sleeping over after sex, sex by itself, cuddling, watching movies in bed and such.

Naturally, you’re gonna start expecting to do stuff together too, accompanied with feeling threatened from other girls/guys and sometimes being jealous. You will struggle not to show it but it will slip out occasionally. That’s when you’ll receive the “you can’t claim me” response, but at the same time he/she is going to be negative and angry when you flirt with others. That is going to make you push away other guys/girls even though you’re actually single. Basically you’re always gonna be making yourself available in case your “friend” decides to ask to spend time together.

The unspoken expectation will be “I need you to be loyal but I’ll do what I want”, and when you get mad because he/she doesn’t follow the same unspoken rules the answer will be “we’re not together, you can’t control me”. You’ll probably catch feelings because the attachment will be growing and he’s gonna be giving you just enough to keep you there.

So, after 2-3 months into this “friendship” he/she is methodically gonna push you away and become distant because you caught feelings. When you question it the answer is going to be…

“You knew what this was…I told you, I’m not ready for a relationship”.

If he/she asked you to stay after you first smashed, if he/she just let it flow and didn’t ask questions, didn’t put insecurities and stupid expectations of this era ahead of the awesome vibe between you, if he/she didn’t lead you on, then he/she is a keeper. Congratulations you found a window out of the shitty modern dating scene. Enjoy!

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My 1,000,000

I remember the burning sensation in my eyes, the feeling of being so unsure and so terrified about what’s next. I wanted to cry but I was trying to stay strong like he taught me, like he always was. I swallowed my tears and tried to forget about the knot in my stomach, growing bigger with every hour that was going by. It was our last night together and the more I was thinking about it, the more of a reality it was becoming; but that wasn’t solely the fact that was killing me inside. What was killing me was that I didn’t know what was next.

I barely slept that night. I was sobbing quietly because I didn’t want to wake him up, and I didn’t want him to know how much leaving would affect me. When it was time to get up I took a look around my room, the room that was my home for four months, the room where me and him created some of the most amazing memories of my life, the room where me and him had some huge fights that ended up bringing us closer to each other. My things were still scattered around; a reflection of my denial to deal with reality. I only had a few hours to accept it and to say goodbye to what I thought would be my life for much longer.

“So much for our big plans”, he said, and I could barely hold it together.

I wanted to grab onto him and not let go, unless someone had to rip us apart. I got up and started packing while he was sitting on my bed looking motionless. I couldn’t tell how he was feeling. When I was done I laid next to him and I put my hands around him. My lips were touching his neck and as I was breathing heavily I could feel the warmth of his body, a warmth I didn’t know when I was going to feel again. I told him I loved him which was the only true thing for me at that moment, everything else was just a bad dream that I could not wake up from.

It was almost time for me to go; I walked him out the door, my heart trembling like I was about to commit a crime. I hugged him tight and breathed him in while he asked me not to cry, told me that he’d see me soon, that he loved me too. He walked down those stairs and I run in my room. He couldn’t see me anymore so I started crying, I couldn’t help it. It was pouring out and along with it all my feelings were blasting upon me. Everything that I tried to avoid the past week was hitting me hard now, everything I denied to look at was staring right at me, forcing me to look back, and while I was crying alone the knock at the door sounded like something I imagined, only it kept going.

I run to the door with those warm tears all over my face and when I opened the door he was crying too, he was looking at me and this look was like a stab in my heart, deep and painful in a bitter-sweet way.

“One more”, he said and he kissed me hard, as if it was the last thing he would ever do, and this kiss felt like forever, or I wanted it to last forever, I’m still not sure. He didn’t say anything, we just kept crying and kissing until he left again; for real this time.

My Bullying Experience

How it Started:

When you’re a kid your parents always have that other couple that they are best friends with, which somehow always has at least one kid your age. You always used to go on vacation with that couple and their kid(s), either at yours or their summer house, or maybe booked vacation packages at those big cool resort hotels. Well, not trying to squeeze myself in amongst all the other clichés but that was also the case in my family.

See my mom is a teacher which equals to her being extremely friendly and social, she has countless friends, but for a big period of our lives she had THE BEST FRIEND. You know the one who wins the title, the one you go shopping with and grab a coffee almost everyday, the one you giggle with and complain about your husbands together (at least in my wild imagination). The woman had a daughter my age and an older son and as I grew up as an only child my mom thought it as a blessing from God for her best friend to have a daughter my age, believing that we were destined to inherit their bffness. But things don’t always go as planned…

Meet & Greet:

I think I must have been about 9 when they first introduced us; it was in the park near my house, and their house as well. Of course we were also neighbours, our mothers met because they worked in the same school. I was riding my bicycle, and not to brag but I was a cute little kid, I was excited to meet another girl my age and I could see that it would please my mom so I had my wide smile on and said hello to the little girl, which was also sitting on a bike, with the difference that she had a blank face. Actually she was facing the ground and she barely said hello to me. I obviously wondered whether I did something wrong; of course I didn’t but what else would a kid think?

Several years passed and my dad also met the other dad and they became dadfriends. They went to watch soccer together, and had a lot of beers. Therefore the amount of time we spent together as families tripled. The big brother of the girl was even worse than her, he was extremely antisocial, rude to me, to my parents, but his parents as well. I remember going to their house and ordering pizza; he would come out of his house, get a whole pizza and close himself back in to his room. Note that he wasn’t a teenager back then, he was 13 years old. I tried very hard for them to like me at first, but of course there was something about me that was different which they couldn’t accept.

Why I Deserved to be Bullied:

Around the age of 10 I started becoming quite a chubby kid, I loved food, and as I’ve explained in a previous post I stopped ballet when I was still young after 9 years of dancing because of an injury, so it was only natural to gain weight. Those kids were honestly skinny by nature, nothing wrong with that, it’s not like they didn’t eat, it was just how their body was made.

Me being chubby is something they found disgusting. They used to call me names such as barrel, saying I was big and round as a barrel and made fun of my full first name which is Theodora (gift of god), calling me GIFT.

I had to go on family vacations with these kids! You can imagine how insecure I felt about my body when we had to go to the beach, and I was honestly not even fat; I was just chubby. They used to add things I never said to all of our conversations and go tell their mom that I “said a bad word”. I remember this one time we were supposed to go to their summer house all together; apparently their mom had realised how mean they were to me so she told them they wouldn’t go anywhere if they didn’t treat me properly. It was two amazing months, I actually thought we were getting close, but once we stepped foot in their summer house I was the barrel gift again.

The After:

I told my parents many times about how I felt but they thought I was exaggerating. I realised I could’t do anything rather than to be patient. Years passed, our mothers made us do private english lessons together for at least 5 years. Things got smoother with time but I obviously never felt comfortable. There were attempts to become friends with the girl when we were older, but it was not just that we had nothing in common, it was also that she and her brother were responsible for some of my worse childhood memories, along with their parents and my parents for not doing anything about it even though I complained repeatedly.

I felt bad about my body for many years, but when I decided to lose weight it was for me and not for them. It was because I realised that people who bully miss something from their life as well. I grown up to have many friends, be very social, beautiful (not to be a poser 😉  and successful and as a responsible adult neither do I wish anything bad to them nor do I want to comment on their current life status, besides that karma is a bitch.

Advice:

I had a hard time because I had no support from my parents, so, my dear parents, if you are reading this please take your children seriously. I know your best friends must be really fun but you might have to discuss seriously with them, maybe your kids are not so compatible as you are, listen to them and take action if needed. A friendship is not worth as much as your kid’s well-being.

If any of you, my dear readers, is going through that, or has gone through that, remember that it’s your decision to let them bother you. Complain again and again until you are heard and don’t look forward to their attention, they want you to want their attention. Show them that you’re better off without their friendship, show them how strong you are.

It took me years but that’s what I eventually did. I don’t need people who don’t appreciate me and neither do you.

Small Little Happiness

Sometimes, for some people, under certain circumstances some “life folds” aka blind folds of life, are automatically enabled, keeping them from clearly see what they ought to.
They feel empty often, they are not satisfied with what and who is around them, they look for reasons to be upset about as if nothing is good enough for them. Those people might seem bitter, bitchy or even miserable but that’s not the whole story. All they need is a little reminder.
They need to be reminded that their hands are not tied and that they can take that f-ing “life fold” off anytime they want. It’s not that they take people for granted, once they are reminded that what they have is not something they should consider unimportant or else they might lose it they are very much willing to take that blind fold off.
And that’s when they wake up.

Days like today, days that are not even that special, days containing a lot of studying and a lot of alone time make me realise how happy I am and that I shouldn’t let any superficial emptiness, caused by the natural response of human beings to always seek for more, forget of what I have. When you find that person who will see you doubting the world and sticks with you anyway though, that’s a keeper, that’s when you fall for him so hard that you just gotta shake everything away and take all the love in. From the simplest to the most complex. Waking up together and drinking coffee in your pyjamas, but also going on a nice trip abroad. Make plans, it’s fine, it’s not as scary as they say. I have him, and I am as happy as ever.
I also have a cat. She is still small, around 4 months. She is white and her name is Alaska. I love her to death and she is one more of those little things that make you appreciate everyday miracles. Those silly things she gets scared of and her kick ass reactions but also the times when I am tired and I leave her alone while I drop dead on my bed, but she comes, slowly approaching, climbs up and sits on my lap while purring and looking me in the eyes; then we sleep together.
I have two baby brothers who have unconditional love to give and they are so funny while they are trying to walk and talk. I just spent a week downloading every animated movie ever made, greek dubbed, for them and I enjoyed doing it because I could imagine them sitting on the couch and watching with their eyes wide opened. Taking a little edge off my dad and stepmom who are the coolest people on the planet and they must be magicians otherwise I don’t understand how they fit two babies and a german shepherd along with clothes for a month, in one car when they go to our summer house.
Finally, my mom makes me smile, because she screams and yells and blames me for everything because she wants to make me better and because she trusts me and because she lives me and breaths me. She probably wants to punch me sometimes and she might never fully know me but she is always there and she is also there for everyone that I truly love.

It’s okay to be sad, I am sad sometimes but all I need is his hug, my cat’s purr, my brothers’ laugh, some whiskey with my dad and stepmom, and my mom’s support to bring that smile up again.

Never take your people for granted because if you just read what I wrote then you must understand how deeply, with no return, dependent your happiness is on them. It’s wrong what they say that your happiness shouldn’t depend on others because it’s not the person per se you are dependent on, just the satisfaction of being able to give and take the necessary things in order to feel a complete person.

 For C, you make my life a little bit better each day that passes.

 

 

If She had Stayed

When I was young I was a complicated person, still am, but back then I could make it really hard for people who were around me. I realise now it made them feel like I didn’t want them to be around me, and then why would they want me in their lives? I had difficulties loving, feeling in general. When I was a kid my parents decided they weren’t right for each other anymore and they made me choose who I wanted to stay with. The options were:

a) Mom, completely dependent on dad financially, hard working, not so focused on me.

b) Dad, very well financially, distant and at the same time overprotective if that’s even a combination.

I went with option c) Grandma, loving, understanding and freedom providing. Fortunately my father agreed to fund me. Using my intelligence I managed to make my all time dream come true and get admitted into Harvard Law School. That would mean leaving my hometown, New York, for a couple of years. I’m sure you understand it didn’t take a lot of hard thinking to pack and leave; it’s Harvard.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I haven’t met a lot of breathtaking people in my life but she was one of them. The first time I saw her was in an Ethics class and she was wearing a high wasted skirt with knee socks. I love knee socks in girls, it makes them look serious but not so much. I was a little bit late in class so when I walked in most of the seats were taken, she smiled at my confused facial expression and moved her stuff over from the free chair next to her. She didn’t talk though, and obviously I didn’t talk either because I’m an idiot, I didn’t even say thank you for God’s sake.

I never sat next to her again, it felt weird. But I have to admit I was sitting behind her; I didn’t want to stalk her, I just wanted to be close enough to her but far enough not to bother her with my presence. I always hoped she would turn and look though, but she almost never did. Anyway, I don’t wanna make it sound like I was obsessed with her because I wasn’t. I was living the Harvard experience alright and it was amazing. So amazing that I didn’t think it could turn any better.

A few months after the professor assigned us in groups, and I was assigned – guess with who – with her. Her name was Reese, just like the peanut butter chocolates. We started talking more and we realised how much we had in common, the attraction was huge. I was waking up thinking of her, talking with her so much through the day that we almost forgot to get the assignment done, watching movies together in the dorms and analysing the fucking universe till its very end like we were the smartest people on this earth, which we believed we were; that if me and her were 1 person, this person would conquer the world. It would be the perfect person, we thought we were destined to be, and pretty soon we were a couple.

We fell hard, movie style hard. Holding hands, kissing, sleeping, cuddling, spooning, doing so many things together. We couldn’t get enough of each other. And the sex, my god, was so good. Dating her was paradise. I mean we used to fight a lot but it only brought us closer when we made up. She would yell and I would say hurtful things, but nobody would mean it and we would just end up declaring our love to each other.

Summer came and we spent it all together. It was bliss, I loved her so much, and the mistakes we made seemed so meaningless in front of what we had. Those weeks together, I have never felt I’ve loved another person so much in my life. Nothing else mattered if I knew I had her. She was my angel and I was her knight, as cheesy as it sounds. I knew how devoted I wanted to be to her and I’ve never felt more in love.

September came, classes started again. Me and Reese had similar schedules, only I was busier. Reese had started getting depressed when I was too busy. I’m sure she was doing it out of love but it was kind of tiring sometimes. It didn’t matter though, it would only be until things got in line. We went to nice restaurants and spent every weekend together, already planning christmas vacation.

October came. Reese was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had a healthy life so I couldn’t understand why. Kept asking myself over and over. Her mood and behaviour slowly changed towards the negative spectrum. She was irritable, in pain, angry all the time. We were fighting a lot and the fact that I was holding what bothered me inside just because it felt too selfish, or guilty to express it made her feel worse. I think that’s why she was even bitchier, to test me. She even tried to break up with me, for my own sake I know, but she didn’t, although she didn’t want to put me through that marathon.

I was there. I was there for all the operations, all the crying, the vomiting, the chemo. Over the course of a year I watched this girl, whose aura was so energetic and so dynamic when I first met her, grow into the shell of the girl that I had fallen in love with. I resented myself for hating her because I had become this 23 year old guy with the sick girlfriend who couldn’t have a normal life. She was so needy and I did want to be there, I did love her so so much but it didn’t take away the fact that I was missing on my own life. Months were passing and it’s very hard remembering how we slowly faded from each other’s lives. I needed to focus on school, on work opportunities because when she was gone what would I have left if I messed it up with school?

I got a phone call a year after, from her mom, which I deeply loved. We used to spend a lot of time at Reese’s house, and when she was sick her mom was not just there for her but also for me. She was gone; Reese was gone, she had slowly and painfully left this world. Her mom said the funeral was the following day. I hung up the phone feeling spaced out, so many things going through my mind. I put on my raincoat and went to walk out in the rain and as I was walking I suddenly felt the urge to start running. So I did, I started running faster and faster; I don’t know what I was thinking. Was it that I could run away from this? Was it that I was a runner from the people and the situations I should actually have stuck with?

The next day I went to her funeral. I had no words, I was reevaluating the whole meaning of life. That’s what happens when someone you know, someone you love – loved – dies. What is meaningful, what isn’t? Because if someone would come at that moment, telling me that I could have had a chance and a future with this girl, I would have dropped everything just to be with her. Although she would never have let me drop everything. That’s how great she was. Even in her death the people she loved were her number one priority, which might have been what ultimately faded her. As her mother hugged me she whispered in my ear that I was and would always remain Reese’s great love. The love of her life, the guy of her dreams. I always hated crying and never really used to engage in it, but as her mother hugged me tighter it felt so much like the way she used to hug me before we started dating, always so happy to see me, always so happy to feel me, pulling me close to her for at least a 30 second hug, it was so powerful, almost like she was hugging me through her mom, that I cracked and a hot tear drop left my eye and landed on my lip, where I could taste the bitterness of it.

That night I got ready to sleep, I took two hipnosedon’s to make sure I would pass out, but just a second before I closed my eyes, in the pitch dark, I saw a little sparkle, it looked like a firefly but it wasn’t. It was a small round light that came out of nowhere and slowly landed on my nose. I breathed in heavily and breathed out, then I closed my eyes and slept…and that, was the most vivid, heartbreaking, breathtaking dream I had seen in my endless hours of sleep. I was at a big beach with white, thin sand, wearing an airy white shirt, the sun was coming down so the sky was orange and the water calm and smooth like butter. I seemed lost though, until I saw her sitting on a wood in front of a fire that she had put, warming her hands. She had a flower crown around her head and she was barefoot. I looked at her, “You’re here”, I said. She asked me to sit down next to her and she gave me that look, the one that she had given me when she first told me that she loved me, which was before I did. It was warm and welcoming. I’m here now she said; I asked her why did she leave.

“I had to think about some things”.

“What things?”

She didn’t say anything.

“Reese, are you going to leave again?”

“I have to.”

NO, I told her she didn’t have to leave, that we could stay together forever now. That we could stay at that beach and wake up next to each other everyday, and have nobody to bother us. She smiled again and told me that I would always be her man in her heart. She took out a necklace, she put it around my neck

“To always have me close to your heart” she said…and then she faded and I could not touch her anymore. I didn’t even had the chance to kiss her.

When I woke up I had a strange sensation, a weird weight on my chest, like I could still feel the weight of that necklace on me. I will never forget it. That was when I cried, not just teared but cried. I poured my soul out, I cried and smoked and had so much to drink. I knew I would never see her face again, I would never hear her voice, but besides that I knew that I would never get the chance to tell her everything that was in my heart. How much I loved her, how all of our fights meant nothing, how nothing could touch our relationship, if only…If only she had stayed.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I am 40 years old now. Turns out I did make it big, I made my first million when I was 27. I guess the view of the top is very beautiful but also very lonely. I did get married, and divorced, because I always try to recreate what I had with Reese, which will never happen. I have a son though, his name is Mike, and I am teaching him how to scan people and when he finds some that he should stick with, to never let them go without a reason. To stand by them, love them and give himself to them, because if we don’t have someone to share what we make of ourselves with, then it’s worthless. Luckily I have Mike to share it with. Oh, and remember when I told you Reese was one of the most breathtaking people I’ve ever met? Mike was the other one.

Now and then I like to imagine what Reese would have done with her life if she had stayed. I’m sure she would have loved Mike, and that she would have been a great mother herself. She would have succeeded academically and professionally as well. She was smart, driven and capable. In my mind she was my other half, and always will be. If I could turn back the time I would have told her that, one last time.

It’s not Easy

After my small (relatively) but big enough for me experience in relationships I can confirm the quote “nobody said it was going to be easy”. I’ve been hearing a lot lately from friends and relatives about their “small” little complains concerning their relationships and I am tired of social conventions saying that I have to sugarcoat it for them.

YES, if you run all day helping your boyfriend/fiancé/husband with his problems/work, proving to him everyday how important he is and how you would do anything for him and you are completely understanding about him having to change the plans you had together because he has something serious to do in regards to his family/boss, which means he ignores your calls and texts for hours and then at night he says he is going to discuss a bit more about what troubles him but you find out he went to the movies with his best buddy and lied to you about it…then I’m truly sorry but YES, perhaps you’re not in his mind as much as he is in yours.

First of all I would like to apologise in advance for using “he” throughout my article and not “she” or “he/she”, but being a woman makes it hard to write while having in perspective both sexes when talking about partners and relationships.

Indeed nobody said it was going to be easy. In fact, people repeatedly said that it was going to be hard; but just because people talk it doesn’t mean you always believe them. When we fall in love the world is viewed through a huge pair of pink sunglasses and even when they break the love you have for that person doesn’t allow you to consider him capable of the same things as other people, consequently when he does them it’s not always that hard to forgive and forget. Your partner is the one who is never supposed to hurt you right? Never supposed to lie to you, always be there for you. Well guess again, he is going to lie and he is going to hurt you and make you cry. Just accept the fact that you and him do not share the same mind. For instance, just because you would never think of lying to him in order to go somewhere with his best buddy, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t. I’d love to give you an explanation like “Hey everyone has a different way of expressing their love”, but i strongly believe there is no equal distribution of emotions in a relationship. There is always going to be a person who gives more; but up to what point someone can forgive and forget?

Just because your partner didn’t cheat on you doesn’t mean that mistakes on a daily basis, even lies sometimes are unimportant acts and not hurtful. It does hurt and every little kick on that staircase of trust bends it a little bit more until it’s knocked down, and then the damage would be permanent.

Living With Your Partner

Talking about relationships.

Do you know what is synonymous for relationships? Compromise; compromise is synonymous to relationships because if you’re serious about your life partner then you must learn to fit two separate beings, two separate personalities who were obviously brought up with major or minor differences, two people that might have differences from the way they eat their breakfast up to how they fold their clothes, those two people have to become incorporated into one common way of life.

Specifically cohabiting, for example. People think it’s so easy to live with a person since they are so in love, so excited about each other and they care so much but no. Yes my dear guys and girls, it is hard. It is different than sleeping over at your partner’s house for one, two or even seven nights. You have to make sure that your partner and yourself are compatible because when you share a house neither of you has the excuse of “This is my house (or my parent’s house), so you can’t smoke in it, you can’t wake up whenever you want, you can’t buy whatever you want”. C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E is inevitable; and you know what? So it should be.

You have chose this person to build your life around and together at the same time so stop whining, figure out a plan,

  1. Have a common wallet, see what money goes where so that misunderstandings do not occur.
  2. Have separate plans sometimes because it won’t let things get boring or your partner to complain about not spending enough time with his/her friends.
  3. Set a working/studying time, because you don’t want to be studying for a midterm and have your boyfriend playing PS4 with his friend drinking beers, or your girlfriend giggling with her girlfriends while doing their nails and drinking wine.
  4. Learn to keep your calm when you guys fight because guess what; fighting is part of the plan, you are going to be with a person everyday, sometimes you or him/her just won’t be in the mood, maybe you got fired, maybe his professors are giving him a hard time, maybe someone got a bad grade, so maybe you won’t be in the mood to speak to much, and if one of you does, fighting will occur. It is absolutely fucking normal.
  5. Both of you, be part of the house chores, One person cannot deal with them, de facto.
  6. Don’t let the sexual chemistry get lost, you are a couple, kiss, hold hands, have sex, and for god’s sake have sex. Just because you live together it does’t mean you are a 70 year old married couple. Enjoy your common youth.

Living with your partner can be one of the most beautiful experiences. The relationship can be taken to a whole other level and the bonding can become unbreakable if you both learn what compromise means. Enjoy it and don’t mess it up.

Greek guy travels in Lille-France for the sake of the girl he loved

I am simply translating the article of the Greek site LIFO because it made a huge impression to me.

“I made #instanadine in order to meet her”

“I would like you to dedicate a few minutes to read my story” said the man who signs as “The good mickey”. He is 22 years old and recently he played it all for love. Some would think this is very romantic while others would consider him an annoying stalker. Here is his story.

One week and 2 ays after my experience, I decided to share it with you. Don’t ask me why. I just have the need to share it with someone other than friends. It is a love story that i lived now, at my 22 years of age and I don’t think I will easily relive something similar so please even if it seems boring to you understand that is a soul experience and forgive me.

Nadine (name that comes from Konstantina in Greek) was my girlfriend for 2 months. Don’t rush into conclusions about the amount of time. It was the most intense and strong thing I have ever lived until today. We broke up in January because of me. Yes! This stupid strength that while you are great it pushes you to do everything to ruin your situation. That strength stroke me. So we broke up and Nadine left, she went to Lille of France with the Erasmus program.

From the day we broke up i sent her more than 100 sms and viber messages  in which she didn’t respond even though I knew she had seen them because of the “seen”. Every unanswered message was equal to a strong dose of outburst for me for all of what i ruined. All the amazing moments that I erased, all the night hugs that I threw away and all of the first kisses that I blanked.

My last message said “I thought of what i want and what is worth fighting for in my life. I am gonna risk it. I booked tickets for Lille. Thursday at 9.30 am I will be there until 3 pm. I don’t have somewhere else to go nor mood for sightseeing. I also don’t elect you to show. I own this trip to everything I felt and more to everything I ruined.”

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I didn’t text her anything else. It was enough. And that is short of how I got ready for my trip in Lille. She didn’t respond in my message. I didn’t expect her to but I had told my self this wouldn’t influence me. Really I didn’t care. The main reason for this trip was my need to fix the mistake that I have made. Second reason was her hug and her eyes. You know, Nadine has amazing eyes.

Two reasons therefore are more than enough to go after something you dream of. Because I, this meeting more than few times I;ve dreamt of.

The tickets were booked and the only thing left was for me to board. Nadine, of course tried to prevent this trip. She uploaded pictures in Instagram. Pictures of Paris to show me that she was there but I knew that she would be back in Lille by the day I was there.

Also, few minutes after the message informing her about my upcoming trip she uploaded a picture in instagram with another guy. This was my smaller concern, she could be with someone else and having a great time. I didn’t care, I, to start with, wanted to apologise to her. I didn’t expect her to accept me back in her life. Just to meet her and tell her I’m sorry.

So, she tired indirectly to tell me “don’t come” but I didn’t listen to her. If she would’t straightforwardly tell me with a message i wouldn’t listen to her. The more she tried to prevent me with pictures i would still stick to my belief that I would see her in Grand’Place at Thursday morning. I was so bold that i actually read this silence as something positive, “She didn’t ask me not to come so deep down she wants me to do this trip” i thought.

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So, Thursday had arrived. The trip was a little tiring for the simple reason that last night I haven’t slept at all. I put on her favourite shirt and I was ready to go. I had in screenshots in my phone the maps that would lead me to Grand’Place. I arrived there at 9:30, just like i have promised. I used to be late at our dates but I was right on time for this one. One who really wants to is never late at dates.

I took a picture of the statue there at Grand’place of Lille and i sent it to her through viber saying: “I don’t know if you care even a little but I am under this.”

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My message was “Seen”…Now I only had to wait. The first half hour went by very fast. I didn’t even realise it. I was looking at the beautiful square. My mind was rolling like crazy and I was very happy that I was gonna see Nadine! I felt like a wild horse running around inside of me. My thoughts were interrupted by 2 girls from a Dutch school, they were doing a research about Lille. I told them my story and they were amazed. They thought I was romantic and they wished for me to see Nadine. They asked me questions about the city.

-Were you born here?

-No, in Thessaloniki (Greek city)

-Do you like Lille?

-I haven’t seen it, from what i see here I like it.

-What is the most beautiful thing about Lille?

-Nadine’s eyes. (They laughed)

We took a souvenir picture and they left. I kept walking around in an effort to cover more surface with my steps so that Nadine would have stepped where I did. Silly things, without any meaning but I didn’t have anything important to do. An hour was gone already. I was cold and I thought of going to a cafe across the street, to seat next to the window and look at the square to check if she is going to show up. I went there, i ordered some donuts an i sat on the window. There wasn’t 5 minutes already and I saw her hair. I left my stuff on the table and without really thinking about it I rushed to the statue. It wasn’t her, she didn’t even look like her. I went back to the cafe and in five minutes I was out again to stare at another girl that reminded me of her. No point. I had such a big need to see her that i was crating idols and hopes that I was chasing.

Anyway, the time was 12. The square was full of people. It was so weird that it was so full but it seemed empty to me. There was 1000 people and the one I wanted to see wasn’t there. I started to accept the idea that she wasn’t going to show up. Maybe it was a given fact from the start but I thought it was impossible. As impossible it seems not seeing her again anytime soon.

The time was 1…2. Many steps, much walking. “Nadine surely is going to step where I did” i thought. With mixed feelings I took the way home, but I wouldn’t leave like that. I got an idea. An idea to leave something at this space, to have proof that I’ve been here. I went to the bookstore. I bought a marker, a card, a ducting tape and a teddy bear. I did this and I stuck it to the squares’ statue.

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I took a picture and sent it to her. Leaving Grand’Place, I stood in a corner for a few minutes and I saw people looking at it and taking pictures. One week after I am counting more than 2 uploads from unknown users with the has tag #instanadine!

I left happy that I chased my dream and bitter that I didn’t touch it. I wasn’t sad. No dream hunter can be sad because maybe its a cliche but when you are chasing your dream, what is important is the trip.

The old Lille, the coffee at the square, the girls from Holland, the marker, the steps around and all of that with the feeling of waiting to see Nadine will be remembered for years to remind me one of the most sweet and bitter at the same time stories of my life.

What is left one week after to eat me up inside is that for a few hours we were so close, without meeting. Maybe next time…

My opinion about this

This is going to be a long post but anyway here it goes…I just wanted to say that the guy went out and proclaimed that everything was his fault and that they had something very strong despite the short time they were together. I think if he was lying about the intensity of the relationship Nadine would have came out and said something like “this guy is paranoid and i never loved him.”

Now, i dont know what he did to her but whatever he did she could easily reply to him “Dude stop texting me.” or “Mickey don’t come here I don’t wanna see you” but instead she said nothing, did nothing…I study psychology so i can bet all my money that she was (and still is) enjoying all of the attention from him, since she didn’t even text him “leave, i am not coming to see you” not even when he was already there. Her behaviour is not of an angry person, is of a selfish person, and if there is one thing that i disagree with Mikey is that she deserved this trip, or a second one.

What i see in this story is that all of us humans talk about how actions are important, more than words are, all of us crave for BIG gestures, and when someone finally goes ahead and does them we will find something negative to say, because humans are afraid of what they want. I don’t know what you all believe but I think the world would be a much better place with more people like him and less people like her, I admire him because he is an example that it’s fucking okay to show what you’re feeling, to do something crazy, to take a risk, and also for being an example that whatever goes wrong in your life you shouldn’t stop believing in love or go seeking for revenge.

Personally, no matter how much someone hurt me, even if I didn’t love him as much as he did, even if I didn’t have a care in the world about him, if he did this for me I would take the time to go and talk to him and explain the situation or at least send a text explaining the reasons I didn’t want to meet him…But that’s just me…Thank you for reading this.

Source :

http://www.lifo.gr/team/bitsandpieces/47954