My 1,000,000

I remember the burning sensation in my eyes, the feeling of being so unsure and so terrified about what’s next. I wanted to cry but I was trying to stay strong like he taught me, like he always was. I swallowed my tears and tried to forget about the knot in my stomach, growing bigger with every hour that was going by. It was our last night together and the more I was thinking about it, the more of a reality it was becoming; but that wasn’t solely the fact that was killing me inside. What was killing me was that I didn’t know what was next.

I barely slept that night. I was sobbing quietly because I didn’t want to wake him up, and I didn’t want him to know how much leaving would affect me. When it was time to get up I took a look around my room, the room that was my home for four months, the room where me and him created some of the most amazing memories of my life, the room where me and him had some huge fights that ended up bringing us closer to each other. My things were still scattered around; a reflection of my denial to deal with reality. I only had a few hours to accept it and to say goodbye to what I thought would be my life for much longer.

“So much for our big plans”, he said, and I could barely hold it together.

I wanted to grab onto him and not let go, unless someone had to rip us apart. I got up and started packing while he was sitting on my bed looking motionless. I couldn’t tell how he was feeling. When I was done I laid next to him and I put my hands around him. My lips were touching his neck and as I was breathing heavily I could feel the warmth of his body, a warmth I didn’t know when I was going to feel again. I told him I loved him which was the only true thing for me at that moment, everything else was just a bad dream that I could not wake up from.

It was almost time for me to go; I walked him out the door, my heart trembling like I was about to commit a crime. I hugged him tight and breathed him in while he asked me not to cry, told me that he’d see me soon, that he loved me too. He walked down those stairs and I run in my room. He couldn’t see me anymore so I started crying, I couldn’t help it. It was pouring out and along with it all my feelings were blasting upon me. Everything that I tried to avoid the past week was hitting me hard now, everything I denied to look at was staring right at me, forcing me to look back, and while I was crying alone the knock at the door sounded like something I imagined, only it kept going.

I run to the door with those warm tears all over my face and when I opened the door he was crying too, he was looking at me and this look was like a stab in my heart, deep and painful in a bitter-sweet way.

“One more”, he said and he kissed me hard, as if it was the last thing he would ever do, and this kiss felt like forever, or I wanted it to last forever, I’m still not sure. He didn’t say anything, we just kept crying and kissing until he left again; for real this time.

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Romance is not Dead

& thank you La La Land for reminding us!

This movie is by far the best thing I’ve watched in years. It celebrates romance, love, music, art and everything that goes with it.

I’ve been dying to watch it when it came out in the movie theatres but I decided to wait and watch it alone in the comfort of my own home; not because I don’t love the Cinema, but because I had a feeling I would need my personal space to freely express myself with this one.

This movie is the perfect example demonstrating that romance does not belong somewhere in the past. It’s a musical set at our time, our world, and it does not lack any star quality that all well loved musicals do and frankly it rises the hopes of every repressed person nowadays forced to live a dull life in order to live by, forced to give up on his/her dreams and creativity because “love” is for fairytales.

The music is astonishing and it makes you want to be a part of the story. It makes you want to take a plane in LA and spend your days in old movie theatres, or have a whiskey at a Jazz bar. Just because we’re in the future it doesn’t mean we can’t incorporate the past in it, or appreciate it and learn from it. We have become harsh, cold, distant; this movie is simply dreamy.

SPOILER ALERT

The most important part of the movie for me is the ending, and the way that I have interpreted it. See, even in this dreamy setting, this dreamy big love, it’s proven that little decisions can change the course of our entire lives. If Sebastian hadn’t pushed Mia that day at the bar, if he hadn’t joined the band, if he was at Mia’s play…viewing how their life could have been together in combination with the indescribable music made me sob like a baby. They could have achieved their dreams together. They didn’t, but when they saw each other again after 5 years, having achieved their dreams separately and having completely different lives, in the end they were able to be happy for each other’s happiness, even though they both knew deep down they would love each other forever.

“One decision can change the course of your entire life, so choose wisely.

Revolver

Καθόταν στο σκληρό παρκέ και δεν μπορούσε να πάρει ανάσα. Αυτό ήταν το μόνο που μπορούσε να θυμηθεί απο εκείνο το βράδυ.

Όταν ξύπνησε δεν αναγνώρισε το μέρος στο οποίο βρισκόταν. Οι τοίχοι ηταν γκρι αλλα μάλλον κάποτε ήταν άσπροι, και μπορούσε να διακρίνει διάσπαρτους καφέ λεκέδες εδώ και εκεί. Ένιωσε ένα έντονο τσούξιμο στους καρπούς της και της πήρε αρκετή ώρα να προσαρμόσει τα δεδομένα που βρισκόταν γύρω της.

Πρώτον, στο δωμάτιο ήταν μόνη της, δεύτερον ήταν ξαπλωμένη στο πάτωμα και τα χέρια της ήταν σφιχτά δεμένα σε ενα καλοριφέρ, και τρίτον δεν υπήρχε τίποτα στο δωμάτιο, κανένα έπιπλο, κανένα σημείο ζωής.

Τότε άρχισαν να παρέρχονται στο μυαλό της ένα ένα τα γεγονότα της προηγούμενης βραδιάς. Το ταϊλανδέζικο φαγητο που παρήγγειλε μαζι με τον πατέρα της, το πως έριξε το κρασί της πάνω στο άσπρο και ακριβό φόρεμα της όταν η πόρτα άνοιξε απότομα και τρεις μεγαλόσωμοι και οπλισμένοι άντρες βίαια μπήκαν στο λοφτ τους χωρίς καμία εξήγηση. Τον πατέρα της που της φώναζε να φύγει απο το δωμάτιο, τους άντρες να ξεστομίζουν βρισιές και να μιλάνε έντονα για λεφτα, την ένταση της συζήτησης να ανεβαίνει όλο και περισσότερο, τον ένα απο αυτούς να τραβάει ένα περίστροφο απο την εσωτερική τσέπη του ατσαλάκωτου σακακιού του, το όπλο να στρέφεται προς το μέρος της, απειλές για τη ζωη της αν ο πατέρας της δεν είχε τα λεφτά τους, ο ήχος της σκανδάλης, το σώμα του πατέρα της να μπαίνει προστατευτικά μπροστά της, αίμα να ποτίζει τα μαλλιά και τη μπλούζα της, αίμα στο πάτωμα, στον τοίχο, το σώμα του πατέρα της να πέφτει και τα μάτια του να την κοιτάνε για μια τελευταία φορά.

Για αυτο ηταν στο πάτωμα και εκείνη, για αυτό δεν μπορούσε να αναπνεύσει, μάλλον θα έκλαιγε και ας μη το θυμόταν. Την νάρκωσαν και την εφέραν στο δωμάτιο, αυτό υποψιαζόταν τουλάχιστον.

Ήθελε να κλάψει πάλι αλλά δεν θα τη βοηθούσε σε κάτι. Τα συναισθήματα της όμως ήταν πολύ έντονα και πολυ αρνητικά και δεν κατάφερνε να τα διαχειριστεί. Ήθελε να νοιώσει οποιοδήποτε άλλο είδος πόνου εκτός απο αυτο που την κατάπινε. Χωρίς να το καταλάβει δάγκωνε το κάτω χείλος της, τόσο δυνατά που είχε αρχίσει να ματώνει, και όσο πιο πολυ μάτωνε τοσο πιο δυνατά το δάγκωνε. Το αίμα έσταξε στο πάτωμα και το κοίταξε με μίσος. Δεν ήθελε να ξαναδεί αίμα.

Κάποια στιγμή κοιμήθηκε και όταν ξύπνησε είχε μπροστά της μια ποπ Τάρτ με γεύση φράουλα την οποία δεν άγγιξε. Ειχε χάσει τις ώρες γιατι το δωμάτιο δεν είχε παράθυρο παρά μόνο έναν αεραγωγό. Πονούσαν τα χείλη της αλλά δεν την ένοιαζε. Ποτέ δεν έβλεπε το πρόσωπο εκείνου που της έφερνε φαγητό και νερό και ούτε της μίλαγε. Της έλειπε ο μπαμπάς της, οι φίλες της, η ζωή της.

Πάντα είχε ότι ήθελε εκτός απο τη μητέρα της που μετα το διαζύγιο ήταν πάντα απών. Όσο ήταν σε εκείνο το δωμάτιο σκέφτηκε πολλές φορές αν άξιζε αυτο που της συνέβη. Αν η αυταρχική συμπεριφορά της στους γύρω της όλα αυτα τα χρόνια και η αδυναμία της να είναι εκει συναισθηματικά για τους άλλους την οδήγησε σε αυτο το δωμάτιο. Αλλά δεν είχε βλάψει ποτέ κανένα, δεν της άξιζε αυτό. Σε αυτό το συμπέρασμα κατέληγε κάθε φορα που έκανε τέτοιες σκέψεις.

Μετά απο κάποιες μέρες έκλαιγε πολύ. Σκεφτόταν όλους όσους ήξερε και αν κανένας απ αυτούς θα ειχε παρατηρήσει οτι έλειπε. Αν η αστυνομία ειχε βρει το πτώμα του πατέρα της, η αν ήταν ακομα εκεί. Αν η μαμά της την είχε ψάξει, αν είχε στεναχωρεθεί για τον πατέρα της και αν είχε ανησυχήσει για την κόρη της.

Όταν την έβγαλαν απο το δωμάτιο της είχαν καλύψει τα μάτια και την είχαν βάλλει σε ένα αμάξι. Θυμόταν οτι ήταν πολυ ώρα εκει μέσα και οτι την ενοχλούσε η μυρωδιά απο τα δερμάτινα καθίσματα. Ίσως και να την ενοχλούσε η δίκη της μυρωδιά. Δεν ήθελε να ασχοληθεί.

Όταν την έβγαλαν απ το αυτοκίνητο και της ελευθέρωσαν τα μάτια είδε σε απόσταση τη μητέρα της να κλαίει και έναν άντρα να πλησιάζει με ένα μεγάλο σάκο. Σκέφτηκε πως σίγουρα θα ειχε λεφτά μέσα. Τα συναισθήματα της ήταν μπερδεμένα. Ήταν χαρούμενη που έβλεπε την μητέρα της, ήταν σοκαρισμένη και επίσης δεν ήξερε γιατι η μαμά της ήταν εκει. Επειδη την αγαπούσε ;

Οταν η μητέρα της την έπιασε επιτέλους στα χέρια της την αγκάλιασε και ξέσπασε σε κλάμματα, αλλα δεν είπε τίποτα. Καμια απ τις δυο δεν είπε τίποτα. Κάθισαν στο αυτοκίνητο και κατευθύνθηκαν προς το σπίτι της μητέρας της.

“Και τώρα τι;” κατάφερε να πει εκείνη μετά απο αρκετή ώρα.

“Καταλαβαίνω οτι η συνθήκες είναι άσχημες, και καταλαβαίνω οτι δεν ήμουν η καλύτερη μητέρα εδώ και πολλά χρόνια.. αλλά πραγματικά μετά απο κάποιο σημείο, όταν ήξερα οτι ειχα ήδη χάσει τόσα απ τη ζωή σου, παρόλο που κατάλαβα το λάθος μου δεν μπορούσα να σε προσεγγίσω. Ειναι δειλό το ξέρω, αλλά δεν μπορούσα. Τωρα λοιπόν ήρθε η ώρα να ειμαι η μαμά σου. Να σε βοηθήσω να σηκωθείς, να είμαι δίπλα σου, να σε δω να προχωράς και να γίνω η γιαγιά των παιδιών σου. Ίσως τα καταφέρω καλύτερα μαζι τους τωρα που ξερω πως θα πρέπε να ειχα ζήσει τη ζωή μου. Θα με αφήσεις ;”

Εκείνη σκέφτηκε για λίγο. Ήξερε οτι θα ήταν διστακτική αρκετά, ίσως και απόμακρη αλλα ήταν η μητέρα της. Μια ζωη περίμενε να ακούσει αυτα τα λόγια και τωρα που τα ειχε ακούσει φαινόντουσαν πραγματικά αυθεντικά. Καθώς σκεφτόταν δάγκωσε καταλάθως τα χείλη της και συνοφρυώθηκε απο το τσούξιμο. Αλλα γρήγορα της πέρασε, χαμογέλασε αμυδρά, και απάντησε…”Ναι…μαμά”.

Reginette with Cream Cheese & Mushrooms

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Someone said lunch?

Ingredients:

  • 1 clove of garlic
  • 350 grams mushrooms
  • 1 bunch of parsley
  • 320 grams of pasta (type reginette)
  • 1 bag of safran
  • 100 grams cream cheese
  • 4 tbsp of extra virgin olive oil
  • salt

Instructions:

  1. Clean the garlic and fry it in a bit of oil, remove the garlic and add the mushrooms, which you let cook for about 20 mins. Add salt, a tbsp of chopped parsley and stir.
  2. Boil the pasta al dente. Take some of the water from the pasta after it starts boiling and mix it with the safran and the cream cheese, then stir.
  3. Strain the pasta, throw them on the pan with the mushrooms and add the cream cheese mixture. Stir slightly and serve with a bit of chopped parsley on top.

The Amsterdam Experience

Getting There

Amsterdam…I always wanted to go there and I finally made it. A city full of beautiful buildings, art and freedom.
I got to go there with someone I really love as well, which made travelling very exciting!

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The whole way there we couldn’t stop our hearts from beating fast and we made plans non stop about all the things we wanted to see. Of course my first concern the minute I walked out of the airport was to take pictures.

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First Few Days

The first day there we stayed with a couple, friends of Chris, so I got to meet those amazing people and I wish I get the chance to travel with them again in the future, and then I got to walk the city up and down, get lost in it, see the canals, the bikes and talk to friendly people along with having new experiences.

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Museumplein
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Amsterdam Canal (one of the many)
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Love
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Van Gogh Museum
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Dam Square
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Aggressive pigeon in museumplein

The Middle of the Trip

One of the most breathtaking experiences was being in the house of Anna Frank. It was a historical awakening and it was very emotional being within the same walls that those tortured people had to live in for 3 years just for being who they were.

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And who can forget our “near-death” experience?

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or seeing amazing artwork, going to the Heineken museum and taking a canal ride?

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Rijksmuseum – Rembrandt
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Rijksmuseum – Vermeer
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Heineken Experience – The Making of Beer
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Heineken Experience – Getting Drunk with the Beer
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Canal Ride – Just me
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Canal Ride – Me and Chris

Towards the End

One of my favourite parts was tasting a Dutch dish, called bitterballen!

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Getting Home

Amsterdam is definitely a city I would live. Being there with Chris made me feel complete. Him, me and the city. Going back was rather hard but Greece will always be my home and I will always be happy getting back to it. After all, I had really missed my cat!
I will definitely visit again, since I came back I’m still there when I’m dreaming.

Small Little Happiness

Sometimes, for some people, under certain circumstances some “life folds” aka blind folds of life, are automatically enabled, keeping them from clearly see what they ought to.
They feel empty often, they are not satisfied with what and who is around them, they look for reasons to be upset about as if nothing is good enough for them. Those people might seem bitter, bitchy or even miserable but that’s not the whole story. All they need is a little reminder.
They need to be reminded that their hands are not tied and that they can take that f-ing “life fold” off anytime they want. It’s not that they take people for granted, once they are reminded that what they have is not something they should consider unimportant or else they might lose it they are very much willing to take that blind fold off.
And that’s when they wake up.

Days like today, days that are not even that special, days containing a lot of studying and a lot of alone time make me realise how happy I am and that I shouldn’t let any superficial emptiness, caused by the natural response of human beings to always seek for more, forget of what I have. When you find that person who will see you doubting the world and sticks with you anyway though, that’s a keeper, that’s when you fall for him so hard that you just gotta shake everything away and take all the love in. From the simplest to the most complex. Waking up together and drinking coffee in your pyjamas, but also going on a nice trip abroad. Make plans, it’s fine, it’s not as scary as they say. I have him, and I am as happy as ever.
I also have a cat. She is still small, around 4 months. She is white and her name is Alaska. I love her to death and she is one more of those little things that make you appreciate everyday miracles. Those silly things she gets scared of and her kick ass reactions but also the times when I am tired and I leave her alone while I drop dead on my bed, but she comes, slowly approaching, climbs up and sits on my lap while purring and looking me in the eyes; then we sleep together.
I have two baby brothers who have unconditional love to give and they are so funny while they are trying to walk and talk. I just spent a week downloading every animated movie ever made, greek dubbed, for them and I enjoyed doing it because I could imagine them sitting on the couch and watching with their eyes wide opened. Taking a little edge off my dad and stepmom who are the coolest people on the planet and they must be magicians otherwise I don’t understand how they fit two babies and a german shepherd along with clothes for a month, in one car when they go to our summer house.
Finally, my mom makes me smile, because she screams and yells and blames me for everything because she wants to make me better and because she trusts me and because she lives me and breaths me. She probably wants to punch me sometimes and she might never fully know me but she is always there and she is also there for everyone that I truly love.

It’s okay to be sad, I am sad sometimes but all I need is his hug, my cat’s purr, my brothers’ laugh, some whiskey with my dad and stepmom, and my mom’s support to bring that smile up again.

Never take your people for granted because if you just read what I wrote then you must understand how deeply, with no return, dependent your happiness is on them. It’s wrong what they say that your happiness shouldn’t depend on others because it’s not the person per se you are dependent on, just the satisfaction of being able to give and take the necessary things in order to feel a complete person.

 For C, you make my life a little bit better each day that passes.

 

 

If She had Stayed

When I was young I was a complicated person, still am, but back then I could make it really hard for people who were around me. I realise now it made them feel like I didn’t want them to be around me, and then why would they want me in their lives? I had difficulties loving, feeling in general. When I was a kid my parents decided they weren’t right for each other anymore and they made me choose who I wanted to stay with. The options were:

a) Mom, completely dependent on dad financially, hard working, not so focused on me.

b) Dad, very well financially, distant and at the same time overprotective if that’s even a combination.

I went with option c) Grandma, loving, understanding and freedom providing. Fortunately my father agreed to fund me. Using my intelligence I managed to make my all time dream come true and get admitted into Harvard Law School. That would mean leaving my hometown, New York, for a couple of years. I’m sure you understand it didn’t take a lot of hard thinking to pack and leave; it’s Harvard.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I haven’t met a lot of breathtaking people in my life but she was one of them. The first time I saw her was in an Ethics class and she was wearing a high wasted skirt with knee socks. I love knee socks in girls, it makes them look serious but not so much. I was a little bit late in class so when I walked in most of the seats were taken, she smiled at my confused facial expression and moved her stuff over from the free chair next to her. She didn’t talk though, and obviously I didn’t talk either because I’m an idiot, I didn’t even say thank you for God’s sake.

I never sat next to her again, it felt weird. But I have to admit I was sitting behind her; I didn’t want to stalk her, I just wanted to be close enough to her but far enough not to bother her with my presence. I always hoped she would turn and look though, but she almost never did. Anyway, I don’t wanna make it sound like I was obsessed with her because I wasn’t. I was living the Harvard experience alright and it was amazing. So amazing that I didn’t think it could turn any better.

A few months after the professor assigned us in groups, and I was assigned – guess with who – with her. Her name was Reese, just like the peanut butter chocolates. We started talking more and we realised how much we had in common, the attraction was huge. I was waking up thinking of her, talking with her so much through the day that we almost forgot to get the assignment done, watching movies together in the dorms and analysing the fucking universe till its very end like we were the smartest people on this earth, which we believed we were; that if me and her were 1 person, this person would conquer the world. It would be the perfect person, we thought we were destined to be, and pretty soon we were a couple.

We fell hard, movie style hard. Holding hands, kissing, sleeping, cuddling, spooning, doing so many things together. We couldn’t get enough of each other. And the sex, my god, was so good. Dating her was paradise. I mean we used to fight a lot but it only brought us closer when we made up. She would yell and I would say hurtful things, but nobody would mean it and we would just end up declaring our love to each other.

Summer came and we spent it all together. It was bliss, I loved her so much, and the mistakes we made seemed so meaningless in front of what we had. Those weeks together, I have never felt I’ve loved another person so much in my life. Nothing else mattered if I knew I had her. She was my angel and I was her knight, as cheesy as it sounds. I knew how devoted I wanted to be to her and I’ve never felt more in love.

September came, classes started again. Me and Reese had similar schedules, only I was busier. Reese had started getting depressed when I was too busy. I’m sure she was doing it out of love but it was kind of tiring sometimes. It didn’t matter though, it would only be until things got in line. We went to nice restaurants and spent every weekend together, already planning christmas vacation.

October came. Reese was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had a healthy life so I couldn’t understand why. Kept asking myself over and over. Her mood and behaviour slowly changed towards the negative spectrum. She was irritable, in pain, angry all the time. We were fighting a lot and the fact that I was holding what bothered me inside just because it felt too selfish, or guilty to express it made her feel worse. I think that’s why she was even bitchier, to test me. She even tried to break up with me, for my own sake I know, but she didn’t, although she didn’t want to put me through that marathon.

I was there. I was there for all the operations, all the crying, the vomiting, the chemo. Over the course of a year I watched this girl, whose aura was so energetic and so dynamic when I first met her, grow into the shell of the girl that I had fallen in love with. I resented myself for hating her because I had become this 23 year old guy with the sick girlfriend who couldn’t have a normal life. She was so needy and I did want to be there, I did love her so so much but it didn’t take away the fact that I was missing on my own life. Months were passing and it’s very hard remembering how we slowly faded from each other’s lives. I needed to focus on school, on work opportunities because when she was gone what would I have left if I messed it up with school?

I got a phone call a year after, from her mom, which I deeply loved. We used to spend a lot of time at Reese’s house, and when she was sick her mom was not just there for her but also for me. She was gone; Reese was gone, she had slowly and painfully left this world. Her mom said the funeral was the following day. I hung up the phone feeling spaced out, so many things going through my mind. I put on my raincoat and went to walk out in the rain and as I was walking I suddenly felt the urge to start running. So I did, I started running faster and faster; I don’t know what I was thinking. Was it that I could run away from this? Was it that I was a runner from the people and the situations I should actually have stuck with?

The next day I went to her funeral. I had no words, I was reevaluating the whole meaning of life. That’s what happens when someone you know, someone you love – loved – dies. What is meaningful, what isn’t? Because if someone would come at that moment, telling me that I could have had a chance and a future with this girl, I would have dropped everything just to be with her. Although she would never have let me drop everything. That’s how great she was. Even in her death the people she loved were her number one priority, which might have been what ultimately faded her. As her mother hugged me she whispered in my ear that I was and would always remain Reese’s great love. The love of her life, the guy of her dreams. I always hated crying and never really used to engage in it, but as her mother hugged me tighter it felt so much like the way she used to hug me before we started dating, always so happy to see me, always so happy to feel me, pulling me close to her for at least a 30 second hug, it was so powerful, almost like she was hugging me through her mom, that I cracked and a hot tear drop left my eye and landed on my lip, where I could taste the bitterness of it.

That night I got ready to sleep, I took two hipnosedon’s to make sure I would pass out, but just a second before I closed my eyes, in the pitch dark, I saw a little sparkle, it looked like a firefly but it wasn’t. It was a small round light that came out of nowhere and slowly landed on my nose. I breathed in heavily and breathed out, then I closed my eyes and slept…and that, was the most vivid, heartbreaking, breathtaking dream I had seen in my endless hours of sleep. I was at a big beach with white, thin sand, wearing an airy white shirt, the sun was coming down so the sky was orange and the water calm and smooth like butter. I seemed lost though, until I saw her sitting on a wood in front of a fire that she had put, warming her hands. She had a flower crown around her head and she was barefoot. I looked at her, “You’re here”, I said. She asked me to sit down next to her and she gave me that look, the one that she had given me when she first told me that she loved me, which was before I did. It was warm and welcoming. I’m here now she said; I asked her why did she leave.

“I had to think about some things”.

“What things?”

She didn’t say anything.

“Reese, are you going to leave again?”

“I have to.”

NO, I told her she didn’t have to leave, that we could stay together forever now. That we could stay at that beach and wake up next to each other everyday, and have nobody to bother us. She smiled again and told me that I would always be her man in her heart. She took out a necklace, she put it around my neck

“To always have me close to your heart” she said…and then she faded and I could not touch her anymore. I didn’t even had the chance to kiss her.

When I woke up I had a strange sensation, a weird weight on my chest, like I could still feel the weight of that necklace on me. I will never forget it. That was when I cried, not just teared but cried. I poured my soul out, I cried and smoked and had so much to drink. I knew I would never see her face again, I would never hear her voice, but besides that I knew that I would never get the chance to tell her everything that was in my heart. How much I loved her, how all of our fights meant nothing, how nothing could touch our relationship, if only…If only she had stayed.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________I am 40 years old now. Turns out I did make it big, I made my first million when I was 27. I guess the view of the top is very beautiful but also very lonely. I did get married, and divorced, because I always try to recreate what I had with Reese, which will never happen. I have a son though, his name is Mike, and I am teaching him how to scan people and when he finds some that he should stick with, to never let them go without a reason. To stand by them, love them and give himself to them, because if we don’t have someone to share what we make of ourselves with, then it’s worthless. Luckily I have Mike to share it with. Oh, and remember when I told you Reese was one of the most breathtaking people I’ve ever met? Mike was the other one.

Now and then I like to imagine what Reese would have done with her life if she had stayed. I’m sure she would have loved Mike, and that she would have been a great mother herself. She would have succeeded academically and professionally as well. She was smart, driven and capable. In my mind she was my other half, and always will be. If I could turn back the time I would have told her that, one last time.