Dealing with Stressful Parents

I have them, you have them, DWI

cause they still love us…

There are so many type of parenting styles they don’t even count on my two hands; there is this one pattern that often appears across all types. That is being extra (even before the word extra was a thing)! From basic parents who stress their kids out about being super-students, parents who stress their kids out since they’re 5 about not having sex before marriage, to parents who are just extra overprotective for no apparent reason, they all exist and some of us grew up putting up with it because “they’re worried and they want what’s best for us”.

But people, this was childhood. Endorse this bad habit or not, doesn’t matter, trust me, it’s gonna follow into adulthood. They are gonna snoop their nose into your business, force their opinion upon you even when you didn’t ask for it, and ruin a perfectly good day with THEIR worrying which they bring upon themselves. Bitch it’s not my fault you sit down and create scenarios in your head, which you then proceed into believing are some kind of intuition or prophecy that you magically achieved when you became a parent. Like yes, you do fall in when you guess stuff about your kid sometimes but that’s expected man! You know this person all his/her life, it’s normal that you’re gonna get it right sometimes, it doesn’t make you a psychic.

You know what I hate? They always tell us that we are not trying to understand them. To understand that they act the way they do cause they’re parents and they’re worried, but when we do something they don’t understand they don’t try to. Not only they don’t understand that we are adults in an adult world that is different than theirs, therefore our rules are different than theirs, but they also do not trust our judgement and our ability to make decisions for ourselves. Like, I’m 23, isn’t this what you’ve been prepping me for my whole life? You don’t have any faith in the work you’ve been doing as a parent that I can get out there and be good by myself? Without you?

Oh this a whole other chapter. The transition of us becoming independent is so hard for all of them. The thought of us taking steps towards our future without consulting with them is, oh my god, so outrageous. They will make themselves sick worrying about stuff with no basis and then they’ll be so miserable that they’ll try to pass this anxiety onto you  without stoping to think that this might ruin your happiness and make you stressed as well for absolutely no reason.

They are always justified, because they are parents and kids don’t come with a manual right? But parents don’t come with a manual either and taking into consideration that there is no such thing as a “perfect parent”, we reach the conclusion that they are not always right and we don’t ALWAYS have to listen to them, especially when we’re like… I don’t know, ADULTS?

All I’m saying is that they should stop expecting us to excuse their every mistake because they are not perfect and because everything they say is because they love us. We love them too, but we also love ourselves and we are entitled to being our own person, even if that includes not living to ease their anxieties and fears.

#nobodymattersmorethanyou xx

It’s not Easy

After my small (relatively) but big enough for me experience in relationships I can confirm the quote “nobody said it was going to be easy”. I’ve been hearing a lot lately from friends and relatives about their “small” little complains concerning their relationships and I am tired of social conventions saying that I have to sugarcoat it for them.

YES, if you run all day helping your boyfriend/fiancé/husband with his problems/work, proving to him everyday how important he is and how you would do anything for him and you are completely understanding about him having to change the plans you had together because he has something serious to do in regards to his family/boss, which means he ignores your calls and texts for hours and then at night he says he is going to discuss a bit more about what troubles him but you find out he went to the movies with his best buddy and lied to you about it…then I’m truly sorry but YES, perhaps you’re not in his mind as much as he is in yours.

First of all I would like to apologise in advance for using “he” throughout my article and not “she” or “he/she”, but being a woman makes it hard to write while having in perspective both sexes when talking about partners and relationships.

Indeed nobody said it was going to be easy. In fact, people repeatedly said that it was going to be hard; but just because people talk it doesn’t mean you always believe them. When we fall in love the world is viewed through a huge pair of pink sunglasses and even when they break the love you have for that person doesn’t allow you to consider him capable of the same things as other people, consequently when he does them it’s not always that hard to forgive and forget. Your partner is the one who is never supposed to hurt you right? Never supposed to lie to you, always be there for you. Well guess again, he is going to lie and he is going to hurt you and make you cry. Just accept the fact that you and him do not share the same mind. For instance, just because you would never think of lying to him in order to go somewhere with his best buddy, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t. I’d love to give you an explanation like “Hey everyone has a different way of expressing their love”, but i strongly believe there is no equal distribution of emotions in a relationship. There is always going to be a person who gives more; but up to what point someone can forgive and forget?

Just because your partner didn’t cheat on you doesn’t mean that mistakes on a daily basis, even lies sometimes are unimportant acts and not hurtful. It does hurt and every little kick on that staircase of trust bends it a little bit more until it’s knocked down, and then the damage would be permanent.

Living With Your Partner

Talking about relationships.

Do you know what is synonymous for relationships? Compromise; compromise is synonymous to relationships because if you’re serious about your life partner then you must learn to fit two separate beings, two separate personalities who were obviously brought up with major or minor differences, two people that might have differences from the way they eat their breakfast up to how they fold their clothes, those two people have to become incorporated into one common way of life.

Specifically cohabiting, for example. People think it’s so easy to live with a person since they are so in love, so excited about each other and they care so much but no. Yes my dear guys and girls, it is hard. It is different than sleeping over at your partner’s house for one, two or even seven nights. You have to make sure that your partner and yourself are compatible because when you share a house neither of you has the excuse of “This is my house (or my parent’s house), so you can’t smoke in it, you can’t wake up whenever you want, you can’t buy whatever you want”. C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E is inevitable; and you know what? So it should be.

You have chose this person to build your life around and together at the same time so stop whining, figure out a plan,

  1. Have a common wallet, see what money goes where so that misunderstandings do not occur.
  2. Have separate plans sometimes because it won’t let things get boring or your partner to complain about not spending enough time with his/her friends.
  3. Set a working/studying time, because you don’t want to be studying for a midterm and have your boyfriend playing PS4 with his friend drinking beers, or your girlfriend giggling with her girlfriends while doing their nails and drinking wine.
  4. Learn to keep your calm when you guys fight because guess what; fighting is part of the plan, you are going to be with a person everyday, sometimes you or him/her just won’t be in the mood, maybe you got fired, maybe his professors are giving him a hard time, maybe someone got a bad grade, so maybe you won’t be in the mood to speak to much, and if one of you does, fighting will occur. It is absolutely fucking normal.
  5. Both of you, be part of the house chores, One person cannot deal with them, de facto.
  6. Don’t let the sexual chemistry get lost, you are a couple, kiss, hold hands, have sex, and for god’s sake have sex. Just because you live together it does’t mean you are a 70 year old married couple. Enjoy your common youth.

Living with your partner can be one of the most beautiful experiences. The relationship can be taken to a whole other level and the bonding can become unbreakable if you both learn what compromise means. Enjoy it and don’t mess it up.