There are nights like this that I can’t sleep and I sit on my bed and simply wonder. Wonder and question my decisions; therefore, my entire self. Do I choose the right people? Do I love the wrong way? Am I too much to handle? Do I ask for too much?
Am I okay?
It’s just never quiet, you know. It is never slow; my mind. It has always been a sign of vitality and I’m grateful that I can think so much; that I can think that well. But in the end, does it really benefit me? Does it prompt me to happiness? Its frequency is so fast. It constantly picks up things and analyses them. People, thoughts, emotions; they all go through my eyes so fast. Everything is assessed, associations are being made every second.
Who are they, what do they want, how do they feel, what do they think about me. Are they okay?
Am I really attracted to the people who are not okay? And does that by definition make me not okay either? Am I bound to be let down. I don’t know, I am so confused. It is so easy nowadays; so easy to build walls. I spend so much time building walls it’s normal for me to be curious as to who is clever enough to climb them.
But my walls have thorns on them; only wounded people are resistant enough to climb them. I am wounded, they are wounded. In the end we wound each other.