I remember the burning sensation in my eyes, the feeling of being so unsure and so terrified about what’s next. I wanted to cry but I was trying to stay strong like he taught me, like he always was. I swallowed my tears and tried to forget about the knot in my stomach, growing bigger with every hour that was going by. It was our last night together and the more I was thinking about it, the more of a reality it was becoming; but that wasn’t solely the fact that was killing me inside. What was killing me was that I didn’t know what was next.
I barely slept that night. I was sobbing quietly because I didn’t want to wake him up, and I didn’t want him to know how much leaving would affect me. When it was time to get up I took a look around my room, the room that was my home for four months, the room where me and him created some of the most amazing memories of my life, the room where me and him had some huge fights that ended up bringing us closer to each other. My things were still scattered around; a reflection of my denial to deal with reality. I only had a few hours to accept it and to say goodbye to what I thought would be my life for much longer.
“So much for our big plans”, he said, and I could barely hold it together.
I wanted to grab onto him and not let go, unless someone had to rip us apart. I got up and started packing while he was sitting on my bed looking motionless. I couldn’t tell how he was feeling. When I was done I laid next to him and I put my hands around him. My lips were touching his neck and as I was breathing heavily I could feel the warmth of his body, a warmth I didn’t know when I was going to feel again. I told him I loved him which was the only true thing for me at that moment, everything else was just a bad dream that I could not wake up from.
It was almost time for me to go; I walked him out the door, my heart trembling like I was about to commit a crime. I hugged him tight and breathed him in while he asked me not to cry, told me that he’d see me soon, that he loved me too. He walked down those stairs and I run in my room. He couldn’t see me anymore so I started crying, I couldn’t help it. It was pouring out and along with it all my feelings were blasting upon me. Everything that I tried to avoid the past week was hitting me hard now, everything I denied to look at was staring right at me, forcing me to look back, and while I was crying alone the knock at the door sounded like something I imagined, only it kept going.
I run to the door with those warm tears all over my face and when I opened the door he was crying too, he was looking at me and this look was like a stab in my heart, deep and painful in a bitter-sweet way.
“One more”, he said and he kissed me hard, as if it was the last thing he would ever do, and this kiss felt like forever, or I wanted it to last forever, I’m still not sure. He didn’t say anything, we just kept crying and kissing until he left again; for real this time.
I have them, you have them, DWI
cause they still love us…
There are so many type of parenting styles they don’t even count on my two hands; there is this one pattern that often appears across all types. That is being extra (even before the word extra was a thing)! From basic parents who stress their kids out about being super-students, parents who stress their kids out since they’re 5 about not having sex before marriage, to parents who are just extra overprotective for no apparent reason, they all exist and some of us grew up putting up with it because “they’re worried and they want what’s best for us”.
But people, this was childhood. Endorse this bad habit or not, doesn’t matter, trust me, it’s gonna follow into adulthood. They are gonna snoop their nose into your business, force their opinion upon you even when you didn’t ask for it, and ruin a perfectly good day with THEIR worrying which they bring upon themselves. Bitch it’s not my fault you sit down and create scenarios in your head, which you then proceed into believing are some kind of intuition or prophecy that you magically achieved when you became a parent. Like yes, you do fall in when you guess stuff about your kid sometimes but that’s expected man! You know this person all his/her life, it’s normal that you’re gonna get it right sometimes, it doesn’t make you a psychic.
You know what I hate? They always tell us that we are not trying to understand them. To understand that they act the way they do cause they’re parents and they’re worried, but when we do something they don’t understand they don’t try to. Not only they don’t understand that we are adults in an adult world that is different than theirs, therefore our rules are different than theirs, but they also do not trust our judgement and our ability to make decisions for ourselves. Like, I’m 23, isn’t this what you’ve been prepping me for my whole life? You don’t have any faith in the work you’ve been doing as a parent that I can get out there and be good by myself? Without you?
Oh this a whole other chapter. The transition of us becoming independent is so hard for all of them. The thought of us taking steps towards our future without consulting with them is, oh my god, so outrageous. They will make themselves sick worrying about stuff with no basis and then they’ll be so miserable that they’ll try to pass this anxiety onto you without stoping to think that this might ruin your happiness and make you stressed as well for absolutely no reason.
They are always justified, because they are parents and kids don’t come with a manual right? But parents don’t come with a manual either and taking into consideration that there is no such thing as a “perfect parent”, we reach the conclusion that they are not always right and we don’t ALWAYS have to listen to them, especially when we’re like… I don’t know, ADULTS?
All I’m saying is that they should stop expecting us to excuse their every mistake because they are not perfect and because everything they say is because they love us. We love them too, but we also love ourselves and we are entitled to being our own person, even if that includes not living to ease their anxieties and fears.
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I’m sorry I haven’t been very active lately. Turns out moving across the world is not very easy. I’ll have a more elaborate post for you soon, but until then please enjoy this beautiful picture!
& thank you La La Land for reminding us!
This movie is by far the best thing I’ve watched in years. It celebrates romance, love, music, art and everything that goes with it.
I’ve been dying to watch it when it came out in the movie theatres but I decided to wait and watch it alone in the comfort of my own home; not because I don’t love the Cinema, but because I had a feeling I would need my personal space to freely express myself with this one.
This movie is the perfect example demonstrating that romance does not belong somewhere in the past. It’s a musical set at our time, our world, and it does not lack any star quality that all well loved musicals do and frankly it rises the hopes of every repressed person nowadays forced to live a dull life in order to live by, forced to give up on his/her dreams and creativity because “love” is for fairytales.
The music is astonishing and it makes you want to be a part of the story. It makes you want to take a plane in LA and spend your days in old movie theatres, or have a whiskey at a Jazz bar. Just because we’re in the future it doesn’t mean we can’t incorporate the past in it, or appreciate it and learn from it. We have become harsh, cold, distant; this movie is simply dreamy.
The most important part of the movie for me is the ending, and the way that I have interpreted it. See, even in this dreamy setting, this dreamy big love, it’s proven that little decisions can change the course of our entire lives. If Sebastian hadn’t pushed Mia that day at the bar, if he hadn’t joined the band, if he was at Mia’s play…viewing how their life could have been together in combination with the indescribable music made me sob like a baby. They could have achieved their dreams together. They didn’t, but when they saw each other again after 5 years, having achieved their dreams separately and having completely different lives, in the end they were able to be happy for each other’s happiness, even though they both knew deep down they would love each other forever.
“One decision can change the course of your entire life, so choose wisely.
ATTENTION: CONTAINS SPOILERS!
Remember my post about the movie Fantastic Beasts? It was named “Bring me Back my Childhood”, because it brought back a recollection of beautiful and magical memories. But, for your surprise it is not only J. K. Rowling that has the ability of bringing magic in real life! I initially intended of mentioning Gilmore Girls’ 2016 mini series in the last post but after careful consideration I decided it deserved it’s own entry in this blog.
If you’re not a fan of Gilmore Girls stop reading NOW, as you will find this article extremely dull and unnecessarily detailed. If you were obsessed with each and every one of the series’ 7 seasons, (like me), and you checked Gilmore Girls’ facebook page everyday since summer following the announcement of an 8th season, then you’re in the right place right here my friend.
Okay, the time passing between the announcement of the “Year in the Life” and it actually being released passed SO SO SO slow for me that I honestly consider it a torture. They did a great job building it up and making all the devoted fans realize how much they’ve been missing it.
This particular picture, my friends, made me want to cry as Lorelai and Rory Gilmore were one of the main reasons I became obsessed with coffee. I can confirm I was counting down the days until the release and I literally ditched my boyfriend in order to stay home and watch the first episode!
Oh what a beautiful story that was! The first episode of Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, starts with a selection of catch phrases and voices of our favorite characters, and some super characteristic dialogues. This made me smile; in fact, my smile must have been so wide that the edges of it must have reached my ears, and my eyes were wet of course, since I could hardly hold back the tears of excitement.
This is the story we all identified with, even though probably none of us had such a relationship with their parents. It’s not that it was the ideal relationship, but it was just so beautiful, so engaging. We cried when Rory cried, we struggled when Lorelai struggled and let’s not mention the agony when we all knew she HAD to be with Luke but it seemed like it was NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.
When the series ended I cried like there was no tomorrow and I felt like I didn’t have enough of them yet. What was gonna happen to everyone? How would their life evolve?
A Year in the Life
First of all, the episodes were huge, which got criticized by some, but I loooooved it! The more I get from Gilmore Girls the better. Of course, I did not like that the episodes were only 4.
There was an overall climate of sadness following Richard’s death and I felt as if I had lost someone of my own. Emily though, had a lovely development. Clearly the loss of her husband made her realize who she is without him, and she was not happy with that person and did her best to change. I loved that she realized it’s not late to reinvent herself.
Lorelai did get her happy ending, being with Luke, but she did not want to compromise anymore. She realized that it is not a crime to want more, she went through some ups and downs trying to reach that conclusion but she did in the end, and her life, although a bit late, turned out exactly the way she deserved.
In regards to Rory, we all remember her being the most organized kid ever in the past, having goals and a very specific path for her future which led her to Chilton and later Yale, graduating top of her class, always made us feel proud of her, as if we WERE her or her friend or mother in some ways; but some hidden aspects of Rory started coming out when she felt confused and started doubting herself while at Yale, taking a semester off to figure things out. This uncertainty continued in the 2016 season since Rory seemed a bit lost in various aspects of her life. Professionally she got confused while chasing the big success, forgetting the ideas which made her unique. It was Jess, her “almost big love” who gave her a ticket back on to her train of thought when he suggested that she write a book about hers and her mom’s story.
That’s where we saw Lorelai’s self esteem issues coming to the surface when she denied Rory the permission of including details about her life in there, being too afraid that she is going to be judged by her mother, Emily, about the way she brought up her daughter. After Lorelai resolving the blank spaces of her life we see her starting feeling proud and even a little complimented by the idea of the book, and I bet she made millions of people around the world cry when she went like:
“and lose the “THE”, make it “Gilmore Girls
In the love life department we see Rory even more confused and perhaps a bit stuck in the past. It’s very clear when she accidentally bumps into Dan. The awkwardness filling the air is obvious and maybe even some regrets flying around. One of the drawbacks of this season was the fact that no resolution was given for the Rory-Jess romance. Jess is portrayed to clearly still have feelings for Rory, but the situation between them has been very vague since Gilmore Girls’ season 7.
I’m sure you don’t need to take a deep trip back in your memory in order to remember Logan’s proposal to Rory in 7th season and her glorious “NO” to him, which sadly ended in their parting, leaving Rory single at the end of season 7.
Year in the Life clearly portrays Rory as stuck in the past and maybe a bit in denial, since she maintains a relationship with Logan whenever she is in London with “no strings attached” although he is engaged to be married, while she is clearly still in love with him. Her goodbye to him was maybe one of her more mature moments; it showed understanding that it is time for her to move on and take responsibility for her choices, but guys it is so HEARTBREAKING.
Now, you know me, you know I’m honest and you know how I loved every moment of the new Gilmore Girls season. I will confirm that I loved the ending scene only with one condition:
THAT THIS IS NOT THE LAST THING WE EVER GET FROM GILMORE GIRLS
I mean come on, seriously, Rory can’t just drop the bomb that she is pregnant, clearly with Logan’s baby, and then end the series for ever. There has to be more, we want more, we love Gilmore Girls, we love Stars Hollow, we love Logan and Rory. If there is no continuation to this story (and if it continues when I’m 40 it doesn’t count), I will utterly change my opinion about the whole series, which is a shame, because I honestly and unconditionally love everything about it.
“Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life” ending was an experience equivalent to a heartbreak.